


We Aspire To Be Reasonably Sane People

by Pistol



Series: Team Dynamics, Family, and Other Things That Will Hurt You [1]
Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pistol/pseuds/Pistol
Summary: The man tells him how joining up is like starting a whole new life, becoming a better person. He talks about incentives, career opportunities, health care, and saving plans, but Jake can’t stop staring at the picture of a man and woman looking proudly at their daughter in uniform.
Series: Team Dynamics, Family, and Other Things That Will Hurt You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586602
Comments: 17
Kudos: 78





	We Aspire To Be Reasonably Sane People

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bookstorequeer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookstorequeer/gifts).

> This story is Beta’d by Kate and Joe, but any mistakes within are mine and mine alone.  
See end notes for notes on possible triggers. Thanks again to Kate for helping me figure these triggers out.

Jake Jensen is eight years old the first time he almost dies.  
It’s a frustrating experience more than anything else. Everyone from the cops to the doctors seem opposed to telling him anything except that the little girl, (Maggie, her name is Maggie, the nurse tells him), is recovering and that he’s a very lucky boy because he'd almost bled to death. The last part makes Jake wonder if these people are really doctors. Clearly, there aren’t any open cuts or wounds on his body. There’s just bruises. Lots and lots of bruises.  
Shortly after he wakes up for the second time, a stressed-looking man comes to speak with him. He tells Jake he’s from Child Protective Services and asks question after question. Does your dad drink a lot? Do you know where your mother is? Has anything like this ever happened before? After it becomes clear the man won't be answering any of Jake's questions, especially about Maggie, Jake stops talking. The man leaves shortly after, pausing at the door  
"You did the right thing, you’re a brave little boy."

\-----

The two police officers that stand just inside his door spend most of their time looking anywhere but at him. Both look tired when he asks them what’s going on and when he can go home. The one with the bald spot tells him over and over to get some sleep, and it’s okay, you’re safe now.  
When the blonde nurse who brings him his lunch overhears this and starts to cry she has to excuse herself from his room.  
Later that night, she brings him an extra blanket and calls him sweetie. She tells him how brave he was, and keeps touching his hair even though he tries to move away from her.  
Jake wants answers and he needs to get out of this place and away from these people as soon as possible.  
He tries to explain this to the doctors on the third day, but they just give him more empty smiles and tell him not to worry. He’s ready to jump out the window when his big sister finally storms in. He hasn’t seen Jennifer in a long time, but when she appears with her blonde hair whipping behind her like a hero out of his comic books, he knows exactly who she he. He knows things will get better now that she's here.  
"Don’t talk to him like that," Jennifer snaps at the doctor, and Jake just wants to cry with relief as she grabs his hand and wraps hers around it.  
She gives him a big smile and looks him in the eyes when she asks if he’s okay. No one has done that since he’s been here, the people here only look at the bruises when they come in.  
"I’m okay." he lies.  
She’s crying hard enough her makeup running down her face in sticky grey lines. When she touches his hair he doesn’t mind.  
"I don’t really think he needs to know-" the doctor starts, but Jennifer cuts him off.  
"His IQ is at least as high as yours, so when he asks you a question, answer it,"  
The doctors don’t seem to like Jennifer very much, but they do start answering some of his questions after that. One doctor even brings him a large book about the history of treatments for traumatic injuries.  
"The pursuit of knowledge should always be encouraged," he says with a wink.  
"Not always," Jake mumbles, the drugs making his eyes heavy. The doctor's smile fades and his eyes get tight. "Dad hates questions."  
He can hear his sister start to cry even though his eyes are closed.  
"Jake, you ask all the questions you want, okay? You’re going to be coming to live with me." He can feel her hand wrap around his, clammy and cold, squeezing too tight. "It’ll be fun, yeah?"  
He wants to say something, but he can’t feel his lips, and the pain has finally stopped so all he has left is exhaustion and no reason to fight it.

\------

Jennifer spends most of her second day there hovering by his bed and yelling into the phone. At one point Jake wakes up to hear her talking in a quiet voice with the policeman outside his door.  
"And so what, he just locked that girl in the basement? Beating up Jake and my mother wasn’t enough for him anymore?" Jennifer chokes out between sobs, "Oh god, did he…"  
The police officer voice sounds soothing, but it’s too low for Jake to make out any words as he drifts back into a painless sleep.

\------

Living with Jennifer is awkward sometimes. There used to be a pattern with Dad, Jake knew when he could expect to see him and when he wouldn’t.  
With Jennifer, she’s constantly there. She wakes him up, she sends him to school with lunch, she picks him up afterwards, makes him dinner, helps with his homework, and then tries to make him sleep in a bed.  
It’s overwhelming, way too much attention, and Jake keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because it has to. He can’t let himself get used to this.

\------

Jennifer cries at night when she thinks he’s asleep. She sits in their tiny living room and goes through the mail or stares out the window and cries.  
He finds the mail hidden behind the microwave. Letters from different people telling her how much money she owes them.  
This is familiar. This he can work with. Dad used to get the same letters.  
Jennifer finds him at the table with the letters when she comes back from the grocery store. She looks torn between anger and sadness and Jake can feel his heart trying to beat out of his chest, and all he can think is this is it. She’s sending him away, too.  
"Do you know what those are?"  
"Yes,"  
Jennifer smiles and places the groceries on the counter before pulling a seat out next to him. Jake does his best not to flinch.  
"Do you understand what they say?"  
"That you owe money to people. You owe $4,184."  
Jennifer laughs, "You’re a smart kid." She reaches out and ruffles his hair and Jake can’t hold back his recoil at the sudden movement. Jennifer freezes and gets that look that sometimes leads to her crying.  
"I can help you fix this."  
Jennifer laughs in an unpleasant way and bites her lip, "He had you doing his finances?" Jennifer says bitterly, "What a class act."  
"I’m good with numbers. I can help make a budget." Jake pleads, "I can help pull my own weight, I swear."  
"Jake," Jennifer whispers softly, "you’re eight years old, you’re not supposed to pull your weight. You aren’t supposed to even know what that means."  
Jake ignores her and presses on, "How much money do you make?"  
"Not enough," Jennifer admits, "but I’m looking around for a second job and I already made my own budget. You don’t need to worry about this. It’s gonna be okay."  
She moves to take the bills from him and Jake impulsively grabs them away.  
"I can help," he says clutching them.  
"Yes, and you could probably could do a better job than me." Jennifer says with a sad smile, "But the thing is, I won’t let you." Jennifer leans forward and holds out her hand slowly bringing it to rest on his head, "You need a chance to be a kid, Jake. And I need you to understand that even if you aren’t alphabetizing our pantry or balancing my check books, I’ll still love you and still take care of you." she slowly musses the hair on his head, and this time he doesn’t feel the urge to flinch, "I’ll always love you."  
"I can still help." Jake protests.  
"Well," Jennifer says with a smile, "if you want to help, I’ll let you help wash the dishes and take out the trash. Both would be a big help. Can you help me with that?"  
Jake licks his lips and looks longingly at the mail. He knows what she’s doing, but he’s not sure why.  
"Yeah."  
The bright smile she gives him makes him sure he made the right choice.

\------

Billy Crawford ends up hitting him on Jake’s first day at his new school.  
The nurse gives him an ice pack and a steady look when he assures her that he knows how to handle a bloody nose.  
She takes him to the bench outside the principal's office and makes him promise to wait there.  
"Billy felt like Jake was saying he was stupid," Jake hears his teacher say through the door.  
"Did Jake actually say he was stupid?"  
"No, but he kept correcting him in front of-"  
"It sounds to me like you’re trying to blame Jake for getting hit because you couldn’t control your classroom," Jennifer snaps, "Did it even register that Jake might have been trying to help that kid?"  
"Ms. Jensen, if that is the case, then Jakes social skills, frankly, leave much to be desired."  
There’s a silence in the room and Jake balls his fists in his lap and wishes to be anywhere else but here.  
"Listen, lady, I know you’ve read Jake’s file, and I would think that as a teacher you would be more understanding of why Jake is the way he is," Jennifer says in a low voice, "Yeah, he may not have the best time with social situations, but he’s a smart kid and his heart is in the right place."  
There’s a shuffling sound inside and the door swings open and Jake can’t bring himself to meet his sister's eyes.  
"Hey kiddo."  
"Hey."  
Jennifer crouches down in front of him and covers the hand holding the ice pack to his face with her own. Jake feels himself tense.  
"Shhh," she says quietly, "you’re okay." She pulls the ice pack away for a moment and winces. "That looks like it hurts."  
Jake shrugs. He’s had worse. He’s seen worse.  
"I’m sorry this happened, Jake."  
"It’s okay."  
"It’s not." Jennifer moves her hand to cup the other side of his face, "You know this wasn’t your fault right?"  
"But…" Jake chances a look up and studies his sisters face, "my teacher said -"  
Jennifer shakes her head, "No, this wasn’t your fault. Billy is a bully." Jennifer gives him a small smile. "You were trying to help him, weren’t you?"  
"I didn’t think he’d be mad." Jake says softly. "He likes the Green Power Ranger, like me. I thought we could be friends."  
"Sweetie, a lot of people have trouble being told they’re doing something wrong. Even adults don’t always understand why people would want to correct them." Jennifer murmurs. "And the Green Power Ranger, as banging as his body is, isn’t always a good way to decide who you should be friends with."  
"What?"  
"Never mind, let’s get you home. We’ll get some ice cream and watch cheesy movies." Jennifer stands and holds a hand out for him, "You comin’?"  
"You’re not mad?" Jake asks warily accepting the hand.  
"'Cause you got punched in the face for trying to help someone? Oh yeah, I’m mad," Jennifer says with a sad grin, "but not at you."

\------

There’s a girl in his class named Susan. Susan’s voice is as small as she is, and she always lets him use her crayons when he forgets his.  
When Russell pushes her off the swings and throws sand at her and she starts to cry, Jake’s stomach feels like it’s ripping in two and before he knows it he’s running and shoving Russell away from her.  
Russell is bigger, stronger, but Jake doesn’t care. He can barely feel it when he hits Russell, just screaming and crying until the gym teacher pulls him off Russell.  
Jake doesn’t stop crying until long after Jennifer gets him home.  
"He hurt her," he tells Jennifer, who doesn’t seem to be mad even though she should be.  
"I know."  
"He was bigger than her, and he hurt her, even when she told him to stop."  
Jennifer nods and reaches out to pull him into her lap. He goes limp, allowing her to move him and hold him as she sees fit. She never hurts him, she just holds him and smells like lemons.

\------

Jennifer gets him tested after his teacher suggests an alternative class for Jake. It’s nothing like any test he’s ever taken before. A man and a woman sit with him and spend a long time just talking to him. They time him putting puzzles together, give him tests, and ask him to memorize things. Both seem excited with the last exercise.  
When they’re done, they chat happily with his sister before leaving.  
"It’s gonna tell us what we already know." Jennifer says with a forced smile. "That you’re a smart kid with a great memory."  
"Eidetic."  
She glances over with a smile. "What?"  
"It’s called eidetic memory," he explains and she beams at him, ruffling his hair.  
"See? I told you." She gives him a wink and hugs him carefully, so as not to touch the bruises that Billy Crawford recently left on him. "Once we get the results, that teacher of yours will have to stop trying to convince us that you need to be in a slower-paced class. Hopefully, we’ll get you away from that awful kid." 

\-----

When the test results come back in the mail, Jennifer makes a copy of them. She hangs it in the front room next to a picture of them that she likes to call their family portrait.  
"Don’t ever let anyone call you stupid, kid." She looks down at him and wiggles her eyebrows. "Unless you’re doing something stupid." She pauses, feigning deep thought. "Knowing you though, you’ll have to let them call you that a lot. But we’ll know the truth, won’t we?" She asks as she kisses him soundly on both cheeks.  
"Yup."  
"You excited about your new school?"  
Jake shrugs.  
As long as she’s happy, he’ll be happy.

\------

Jennifer brings home a giant tan computer from work with her and sets it up on their dining room table. It looks like it weighs a ton, and when he gets closer he quickly discovers it reeks of cigarettes.  
"It’s a computer!" Jennifer says happily, patting the monitor before wincing and wiping her hand on her jeans, "Well clean it up, and then it’s all yours! I’ve been wanting to get you one, but they’re so expensive."  
Jake nods and looks at the tan monstrosity suspiciously, it doesn’t look anything like the computers they use for the typing class at school.  
"It’s a little old, but don’t worry, it still works." She assures him, "My boss got a new one and was going to throw this one out. When I asked him if I could have it, he gave it to me." Jennifer beams proudly.  
"Thank you?"  
Jennifer laughs. "Trust me, you’re gonna like it once you warm up to it. We’ll take you to the library this weekend and get you some books on…" Jennifer waves her hand absently in the air. "You know, computer shit. This way, it’ll be a project! You can figure out what we need to make it better, and we’ll use the money I had saved up towards getting a computer for you to get the parts. It’ll be fun!" Jennifer winks at him, "Worst case scenario, we just spend a bunch of time making fun of the nerds in the computer stores. We can make them jealous of our Klingon. Hab SoSlI' Quch!" Jennifer crows shaking her fist dramatically in the air.  
Jake feels himself smile. This, this might be fun after all.

\------

Jennifer was right. The computer is awesome.  
They spend the next weekend wandering through every computer store they can find looking for parts and so Jake can get advice. Jennifer only knows four phrases in Klingon, but she uses them in every store they go into. For some reason, insults in Klingon and a light touch on the clerks' arms is enough to make more than half of the the men offer to let her use their employee discounts. Jake ends up being able to afford a lot more stuff than he expected.  
He has the best big sister ever.

\------

Jake is fifteen when Jennifer cries for a whole day.  
She calls off work and holds the letter from MIT in her hand like she’s scared it will disappear. She spends almost an hour standing in the kitchen alternating between laughter, crying, hugs, and hugs that involve laughing while also crying. Jake suffers through all of them and hands her a tissue anytime she gets too gross.  
When she finally stops, she takes him to Denny’s to celebrate and doesn’t even make him change out of his Super Mario pajamas. They’re sharing a slice of pecan pie when she starts to cry again. It’s quiet and she tries to hide it, but Jake notices right away.  
"It’s a good cry, Jake. I promise," she soothes him. He trusts her, but makes sure the napkins are within her reach and the pie is far away from her face.  
"You’re too mucus-y. You’re gonna make me lose my appetite," he points out with a scrunched nose. For some reason, this makes her laugh until she starts crying harder.  
The waitress gives them funny looks until they leave, but Jake doesn’t care what she thinks. He has pie. He has Jennifer.

\------

Jennifer calls him on his fifth day living on campus and tells him she’s changing her numbers and gives him the new ones. She babbles on about work and doesn’t stop long enough for him to ask any questions.  
"Just felt like a change," she assures him before asking if he’d had a chance to see any new movies recently.  
A weird feeling brews in his chest, but he ignores it, telling her a carefully edited version of his week. 

\------

Three weeks later, Jennifer’s in the hospital after hitting a patch of black ice and crashing into a tree. Jake’s heart is in his throat the whole cab ride there, and he’s sure it can’t be healthy to have his heart pound the way it does.  
She’s smiling when he finally arrives and holds up a black and white picture for him to see when he walks in. (Fetus, Jake’s mind supplies. Roughly two months old.)  
"You’re going to be an uncle!" she exclaims. Jake nods with a confused smile and she takes pity on him, patting the spot next to her on the bed. "They ran some tests when I came in. I’m fine." Jennifer stresses with a pat on his hand. "But they noticed my hormones were a little off."  
"So." Jake blinks. "You’re okay." She nods. "And pregnant."  
"Yup." She pops her p.  
He frowns and does the math. "Is it Leon’s?"  
Jennifer reaches out and drags him to her by his collar, "It is, but he’s a drunk and a cheat, and he doesn’t need to know." She fixes him with her patented I-know-best glare. "Understand?"  
Jake nods. The baby won’t need someone like Leon in its life. It will have Jennifer as a mom and him as an uncle. They’ll be all the family the kid will ever need.  
"Understood. You are aware you’re going to get super fat, right?" Even as she slaps him with her pillow he can’t stop smiling.  
"All bodies are good bodies, Jake."  
"Let’s hear you say that when your clothes don’t fit you anymore," Jake says, ducking the pillow, unable to stop smiling.  
A baby. Jennifer’s baby. He can’t wait to meet this kid.

\------

Jake knows that bullies exist. His dad was one. Billy Crawford was one. Microsoft is one. The world is full of bullies.  
Somehow, he didn’t expect college to be quite so full of them. It was supposed to be full of people who wanted to learn. And really, considering how much as it costs to go to college, you think people would spend less time drinking and more time reading their books.  
After the third time he has to hide a bruise from Jennifer over break, he decides to get proactive. He starts hitting the gym at school and signs himself up for the first self defense class he finds. And after months of intense work, he’s the proud owner of a blue belt and several pounds of muscle mass.  
Sadly, a blue belt and some muscles don’t do much to stop him from getting his ass kicked when his brain to mouth filter fails him in the Safeway parking lot. It’s not his finest hour, and the pitying looks the other shoppers shoot him don’t help either. So he stays there, laid out on the asphalt behind a white SUV trying to decide if he should move or just stay there and hope the owner doesn’t notice him when they go to leave. He’s most convinced himself to get up and dust himself off when an old man stops and throws a bag of frozen peas at him.  
"Your Jackie Chan bullshit ain’t so good in a real fight, is it?" he asks.  
"No, sir. No, it is not." Jake hisses and presses the bag against his face. "Think they’ll give me a refund?"  
The old man cackles and shakes his head. "Sir? You’re awfully polite. Worried I’m gonna kick your ass next?"  
Jake shrugs and sinks down onto the asphalt, bag of peas pressed to his face. Ahh, peas, truly the most soothing of all the frozen vegetables.  
"You never know."  
The old man stands there staring at him before snorting and dropping his bag of groceries on Jake’s chest.  
"Carry these to my car, kid."  
Jake sits up and blinks. "Or you’ll kick my ass?"  
The man laughs.  
"Oh, I’m gonna kick your ass, kid," he says with a smile, "and I’m gonna show you how to not get your ass handed to you by some punks outside of a fucking Safeway." He holds out a hand to Jake, "Name’s Pete, but you can keep calling me 'sir'." Pete smiles and pulls Jake off the ground. "Makes me feel important."

\------

Jake takes to his lessons with Pete with the same ease he finds in his school work. And Pete? For an old guy, he’s terrifyingly good in a fight. For all his harsh talk and gleeful kicking of Jake’s ass, Pete seems to actually like him. When Pete tells Jake to shut up, it’s with a smile. Even though he will bitch about Jake’s terrible taste in clothes, Pete still has no problem being seen with him in public. When Pete admits he’s impressed with Jake’s progress, Jake has a terrifying moment where he kinda wants to write emotional poetry about the 75-year-old man, and how Pete may or may not be the best thing since the keyboard. And when he realizes he said this out loud, he’s relieved to see Pete smiling.  
"You’re pretty okay yourself, kid."  
Another bonus is that Jake hasn’t had to steal any more foundation from his roommate's girlfriend when he goes home. He can’t remember the last time he was able to see so much skin-colored skin on his body.  
He tells Pete this, which makes the old man laugh. And just like the first time Jake walked away in better shape than his opponent from a fight, Pete lets him have a beer. It tastes as bitter and as bad as the first one, but Jake savors every sip and listens to Pete talk about his first win.  
The man's voice is soft and low, rough from years of smoking, and it’s quickly becoming a soothing sound the way Jennifer's laugh is.  
Jake impassively shows Pete the ultrasound photo he keeps in his wallet. Pete takes the photo and holds it like it’s precious.  
"Yours?"  
"My sister's."  
Pete’s boney finger traces over the ultrasound image reverently. "You take care of this little baby and your sister, you understand?" Pete’s voice is haunted with something Jake understands more than he’d like to.  
"I will," he promises. "I won’t let anyone hurt them." Since the moment he knew about the baby, the protective urge to do whatever it takes for the person growing inside his sister has been there, as constant as his own heartbeat. He’s even started to set aside money from his extracurricular activities on the computer.  
Pete looks at him steadily, and then one of his hands is reaching up to clasp Jake’s shoulder in a tight grip. "Good."  
"Yeah." Jake takes a desperate drink from his bottle, looking away.  
"Hopefully the kid has a better taste in clothes."  
Jake gratefully accepts the change in topic. "There’s nothing wrong with pink. Until the 1940’s pink was considered a masculine color."  
Pete snorts, "You should be learning from history's mistakes, then."  
Jake has the sneaking suspicion they're becoming friends. At the very least Pete’s the Jedi master to Jake’s padawan, so either way they’ve got epic adventures ahead of them.  
When he tells this to Jennifer, she laughs and tells him to invite Pete over for Thanksgiving. 

\------

When Jake shows up to his next lesson, Pete doesn’t answer the door. Another man, Tom-I’m-Pete’s-brother, introduces himself with strong handshake before saying, "You must be Jake."  
Jake almost runs away right then, but his feet seem too heavy to move, so he follows Tom into the house and tries to breathe.  
Tom offers him a soda and a chair. It’s the same chair Jake always sprawled out in after lessons. The chair he sat in for his first beer. The chair Pete couldn't really offer to him, because it was Jake’s chair.  
He declines the offer and stands.  
Tom does his best to gently explain that heart disease runs in their family. He tells him that when Pete passed, it was quick, painless. Jake nods along at all the right times and stares at the chair he can’t bring himself to sit in.  
"My sister invited him to Thanksgiving," he blurts out, interrupting Tom. The man doesn’t even look confused, just puts a hand on his shoulder the way Pete sometimes doe- did and squeezes.  
It’s wrong. It’s so fucking wrong.  
"He would have liked that," Tom says eventually. Jake focuses on the aluminum can in his hands, trying to draw its icy feel into his skin, anything to stop the burn that's taking over his body.  
The man hands a worn shoe box to Jake when he leaves.  
Tom shrugs. "There was a note on it. Said to give you this if anything happened."  
Jake doesn’t think, just tucks it under his arm and makes his way to the bus stop.

\------

He opens the box on the bus to find faded flyers announcing a man named Peter Reynolds fighting against various opponents in Army vs. Navy and gym fights. Underneath the flyers is a obituary cut out for a woman named Naomi that’s too aged and worn to read more than her name and see her face, two medals (Purple Hearts, Jakes mind supplies, awarded to those who have been wounded or killed while serving), a worn photo of a smiling Naomi, another photo of Naomi and a young Pete with his hands wrapped around her swollen stomach, boxing tape, and a roll of twenties tied up with a shoe string.  
Three men get off the bus when Jake does.  
One grabs the box and runs. Jake catches up with him a block later. He doesn’t stop hitting him until someone pulls him off.  
His knuckles are bleeding and it’s weird; just like when Russell hurt Susan, his hands don’t even hurt.

\------

A very pregnant Jennifer bails him out the next day. She stands there in front of the cops and wraps her arms around him, crying into his shirt.  
"I’m so sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry..."  
Jake swallows heavily and buries his head against her shoulder.  
When he gets his cell phone back, there are two missed calls from the school. Jake has to listen to them twice, something he’s never needed to do, and honestly can’t make heads or tails of what the person is saying. Jennifer just takes the phone and listens to the messages. When she’s done, she closes his phone and hands it to him.  
Jennifer quietly drives him to his dorm and helps him pack his things. Everything he has fits in a laptop case and a cardboard box, which makes Jennifer cry.  
"It’s just the hormones, Jake. You understand."  
And he does. He could tell her exactly what the hormone spikes are doing to her neurotransmitters. He doesn’t, only because it wouldn’t change anything.  
On the ride back he holds the battered box on his lap and tries to figure out how to ask Jennifer what's wrong with him. To ask why his body and his brain are numb, but every time to opens his mouth, something else comes out.  
He ends up telling her about the hormones after all. About the squirrels that live- lived - outside his dorm. Jennifer holds his hand and nods along when he starts talking about how he thinks Hubble was a thief that really didn’t deserve to have so many things named after him. 

\------

Jake is sixteen years old, freshly kicked out of college, when he first holds a gun.  
It’s his sister's coach gun, and in complete honesty, he is almost as scared of it as he is of the man he's pointing it at. The man is beyond drunk, the cops are still probably twenty minutes away, and he kept coming at them with a knife, already stained with Jake's blood. Jennifer is screaming at the man like she knows him and clutching the baby to her chest.  
It’s only Jake and the coach gun in between Jennifer and his niece, and he can’t get his brain to stop showing him all the terrible ways this can end.  
"Stop." He shouts at the man. "Just go away."  
When the man ignores him and lunges forward, Jake’s brain quiets. The moment feeling like an echo of the last time he saw his dad, only this time, he has an actual chance.  
When the knife is raised above his head and the smell of beer reaches his nose, Jake pulls the gun up to his shoulder like he’s seen a million times in the movies. With two fingers wrapped around both triggers, he pulls. The man’s chest bursts up and back, and Jake thinks absently that he’ll never enjoy seeing the watermelons burst in old clips of Gallagher ever again.  
The sound is loud, so loud in the small hallway that Jennifer’s voice and the baby’s cry disappears into a high whine that won’t leave his ears.

\------

When the police arrive, he’s still standing there. Jennifer had already pried the gun away from him and shakily held her good towels, the ones that he’s never supposed to use to clean up a mess, to the side of his stomach while the baby screamed in the other room.  
Jake may have an eidetic memory, but he can’t for the life of him remember what happened when the police arrived. He can remember telling the paramedic that the average 12 gauge shotgun discharge peaks at 155 decibels. That the baby was close by, too close, so she needs to have her hearing checked. The paramedic stared at him with a sad smile and promised her partner would do that right away.  
"Does the baby have a name?" she asks as she applies pressure on his stomach wound.  
"Not yet. We’ve been calling her Baby." Jake pokes at the gauze, only to have his hands gently batted away.  
The woman frowns, "I didn’t know you could do that."  
"It took a lot of paperwork, and there’s more still to do. But Jennifer says she needs to get to know her before she names her."  
"Huh. More people should do that," the woman says, her eyes watching him carefully. "Can you remember what day it is? And can you remember who the president is?"  
He’s not sure why, but it’s funny in a way that has nothing to do with happiness, and can’t stop laughing. "I remember," Jake tells her in between angry laughter that makes the pain in his side flare back up. "Oh, I always remember."  
The paramedic frowns, hands moving to steady him. "Jake?"

\------

The police give them the name of a cleaning service and three different people pat Jake on the shoulder and tell him how brave he was before they leave. Jake’s beginning to hate being called brave.  
When they’re dropped off at their driveway the sun is almost up. Jennifer just stands there with a pinched expression directed at the yellow tape and holds Baby in their front yard for almost an half hour. Jake stands next to her silently. He can’t let them out of his sight quite yet.  
Finally, she squares her shoulders and hands Baby to him and tells him to wait right there. She goes into their house and comes back out with one large duffle bag and car keys. Her smile is forced in a way that makes this day officially have too many similarities with that other day.  
"I think we deserve a vacation. Don’t you?" She gives them both a kiss on their foreheads, and a smile that only Baby can’t tell is fake. Baby coos.  
They go to a hotel and get room service before getting ready for bed.  
Jennifer checks on him four times that night and Jake gives up faking sleep on the couch when she starts to cry. Neither of them sleep, instead they lay quietly in the same bed with Baby between them. Baby likes the attention and Jake likes that he knows exactly where they both are.

\------

The next day, Jennifer tells him to keep an eye on Baby before she leaves. When she comes back, she has a bag of Chinese food and his old backpack stuffed with baby formula and the broken down shotgun the police returned.  
She puts the pieces on the table with them while they eat and tells him about the new apartment they’ll be moving into. Neither of them looks at the shotgun.  
When they’re done, she feeds Baby and tells him the four rules he mustn’t forget about guns.  
"First rule; you always treat every gun you come across as if it’s loaded, even if you know it’s not. Secondly, never let your gun’s muzzle point at anything you aren’t willing to destroy. Thirdly, keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on your target. If your finger is touching the trigger, it should only be because you’re ready to fire. No excuses!" Jennifer tells him sternly. "Lastly, the fourth rule is simple. Be sure of your target and what’s behind it. Now, repeat those back to me."  
"I don’t need to. I won’t forget." he reminds her, and then wishes he could take the words back.  
Jennifer touches his face and smiles at him with wet eyes.  
"You won’t, will you?" Tears spill from her eyes and she wipes them away. "I’m so sorry, Jake," she murmurs.

\-----

When Baby is full and burped they put her in her crib and Jennifer shows him how to put the shotgun together and how to take it apart.  
It’s three pieces and very simple, but she makes him do it over and over until his motions are smooth. Jennifer makes him repeat the four rules back to her a dozen times in between telling him the names of the parts and their functions. Before she puts it away he traces the engraved letters on the side with his fingers.  
B-A-I-K-A-L.  
"Will it always hurt?" Jake asks when Jennifer puts the gun back in the bag. She stills and turns frightened eyes to him.  
"Firing the gun, I mean," Jake says to calm her confusion.  
"Yes and no." Jennifer plucks Baby from her crib and bounces her gently in her arms. "If you pull a trigger while it’s pointed at another person, it should always hurt you." She taps his chest with two fingers. "Even if you do it to save your own life, or the life of someone else."  
She pulls him in towards her and he buries his face in her shoulder and loses himself in the smell of her lemony perfume.  
"When a person dies, even a bad person, it’s still a life cut short," Jennifer says as Baby gurgles happily. "As for the physical pain, I’m guessing you weren’t holding it right. When we get moved in and settled into our new place, I’ll take you to the range and show you how to hold a gun correctly."  
She presses a kiss into his cheek and they stand there hugging until Baby starts to fuss.

\------

They’re brushing their teeth before bed when Jennifer asks him if he wants to talk about it. Jake spits and rinses his mouth and shrugs.  
"Sure. Who taught you how to shoot?" He watches her lips thin and her jaw clench in the mirror.  
"I went to a range and got lessons from a friend." She watches his reflection in the mirror and shakes her head. "And that’s not what I meant, Jake."  
Jake ignores that, barreling on because stopping the meaningless chatter seems to painful. "Why’d you get lessons?"  
"Because." Her hands clench on the sink and she looks away from his reflection's eyes. "Because of the man from last night."  
Jake nods and heads for the couch.  
"Jake." Her voice follows him. "Please talk to me."  
"He’s why you changed your numbers, isn’t he?"  
"Yes." Jennifer admits, curling into her self even more.  
Jake nods and doesn’t pry. He’s made mistakes, he knows how they can tear at you. Jennifer doesn’t need his help, he can see her tearing herself apart all on her own.  
"You’re a good sister, you know that, right?" he asks.  
He’s not surprised when she cries, but he is when she laughs. It’s not a nice laugh.

\------

"Whoever packed these didn’t do a very good job," Jake says with a wince, pulling out another broken plate. "I think you should ask for your money back."  
Both Jake and Baby are startled when Jennifer slams a box down next to him. Baby cries and Jake pointedly ignores Jennifer to go pick her up.  
"Please, Jake," Jennifer grits out.  
"She needs a name," Jake murmurs, wiggling fingers in front of Baby's face to her delight. "People will think it’s weird she doesn’t have one yet."  
"Jake."  
"That’s not a good name for a girl."  
Jennifer buries her face in her hands and chokes out a deep breath. "I need you to talk to me," she says steadily.  
"I am!"  
"Yes, about everything but what I want to hear." She studies him. "You aren’t sleeping."  
"Can I pick out her middle name?"  
Jennifer huffs and throws her hands up, "Sure. You can pick it out." She levels a finger at him. "If you agree to see someone." She waves her finger at him when he starts to talk. "A shrink. At least five appointments."  
Jake stares at Baby and rolls the idea around in his head. "Sure. Make the appointments."  
Jennifer’s eyes go wide then narrow on him suspiciously. "Really?"  
"Really," Jake assures her.  
"Remember, she will be stuck with whatever you choose."  
"I know." He smiles. "Don’t worry, I’m naming her after a lake, not Lara Croft."  
Jennifer gives him a hesitant smile. "Thank you."  
"Whatever." He waves her off. "Any ideas on her first name?"  
Jennifer smiles, reaching over to brush a wisp of hair from Baby’s face. "I kinda like Beth." She bites her lip. "What do you think?"  
"It’s great," Jake coos at Beth. "Beth Baikal Jensen, congratulations, you’ve been named."  
"I thought you said a lake." Jennifer’s voice is flat when she looks at him.  
"There is a Lake Baikal." He gives her an exaggerated frown. "Get a map and educate yourself if you don’t believe me!"  
Jennifer sighs and takes Beth from his arms. "Jake."  
"Jennifer." Jake says in fake exasperation before turning to Beth to do the same. "Beth."  
"Why Baikal?"  
"Beautiful, mysterious lake, what’s not to love? Would you prefer if I named her after Lake Erie?"  
"Jake."  
"It saved her life." He meets Jennifer's eyes. "Ours too. And it’s not like we can buy it a thank you card or bake it muffins." He shrugs. "Hopefully it’ll be a good luck charm for her, and she’ll never have to use one."  
Jennifer closes her eyes and nods.  
"Okay. But we’re telling people it’s for the lake." Jennifer turns to Beth and doesn’t bother to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Hello, Beth."

\------

Over the next six weeks, he shows up to every appointment and agrees to send in applications to several colleges.  
When his sister talks to his therapist after his final appointment, Jennifer comes out looking relieved. She spends a good ten minutes hugging him in the parking lot afterwards.  
When he receives acceptance letters from every college she suggested he apply to, Jennifer proudly hangs every last one of them on the fridge. She spends a whole hour just reading them to Beth who only wants to chew on them. She get’s ahold of Stanford, but Jennifer isn’t upset, just wipes the drool off and hangs it back up.  
They talk it over later and both of them like that a local college would mean he’s close enough he could still live at home.  
Jennifer starts smiling more which makes Jake smile more. Beth is a happy baby, and never seems to stop smiling.

\------

The Universal Serial Bus standardization takes the Jensen house by storm.  
Well, it takes Jake by storm. But anything that makes Jake this excited makes everyone in the house excited.  
Beth happily waves her pacifier and bounces in her chair squealing as Jake tells her about the 1.1 specifications rumored to come. Beth squeals extra loud and Jake takes this as a sign that Beth is destined to be the coolest kid ever.  
Jennifer agrees with a laugh and lets him wax poetically about how amazing it is for another hour.  
"I’ve created a monster, haven’t I?" Jennifer says ruffling his head with a fond expression.

\------

Jennifer shakes him awake, hair still wet from her shower.  
"Where did you get this?" she asks, shoving a crumpled paper at Jake.  
He gropes around for his glasses, before looking at familiar blurry numbers. He swallows. He was supposed to shred this. But then Beth started crying and -  
"Where did you get this?" Jennifer repeats franticly.  
"I..." he sits up, mind racing for a believable answer.  
"Jake."  
"It’s for Beth. When she’s older."  
Jennifer closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Answer my question. Honestly."  
"I found it?"  
"You found twelve thousand dollars?"  
"Kind of? No one will know it’s missing."  
Jennifer sighs, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Where’s it from, and how’d you ‘find’ it?"  
"You know the 39th District corruption scandal? The one that’s on the news all the time?"  
"Oh god," Jennifer moans, "I already know this isn’t going to be good."  
"Well, I may have found a bank account one of those guys thought he had kept hidden."  
"How?"  
"I’m good with computers." Jensen shrugs, looking away from her. "You know that."  
"Okay." Jennifer exhales slowly. "This is what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna put it back. All of it. And you’re gonna be careful about it."  
"But-"  
"Shut up, Jake. You’re gonna put it back. You’re never gonna pull a stunt like this again, do you hear me?"  
"Jenn-"  
"Did you hear me?!" Jennifer cuts him off with a shout, wild eyes locking on his.  
Jake nods, "Okay. Sure."  
"No more." she says in a quiet voice, "No more, promise me, Jake."  
"No more."  
"Okay." She breathes deeply, hands digging into the mattress. "You know why this is wrong, right?"  
"I do."  
"So why’d you do it?"  
"I don’t know. But I won’t do it again."  
Jennifer nods tightly, closing her eyes. 

\------

It takes Jennifer two years to realize Jake isn’t actually going to college. And she only finds out because she shows up on campus to surprise him with lunch. 

\------

"But you got in! With a full ride!"  
Jake twitches and looks away from her.  
"Oh. Oh." She rubs her face and levels him with a glare. "I bought sweatshirts," she hisses. "Mugs. A fucking bumper sticker, you jerk."  
"I can get your money back if you want," he offers.  
Jennifer scowls. "Did you even apply?"  
Jake winces. "Well, technically, their computers all show signs of receiving and approving my application."  
"So, no."  
"No."  
She stares at him and he stares at his bright yellow shoes.  
"So what have you been doing then? Where the hell did you get all those textbooks?"  
"I’ve kept busy." He shrugs. "I bought the textbooks because college kids tend to use them. If it makes you feel any better, I read them all."  
"No, that does not make me feel better." She looks him over critically. "Are you doing drugs?"  
"No." Jake rolls his eyes. "I also promise I’m not in a gang or stripping, okay?"  
Jennifer is forced to bite her tongue. She takes two deep breaths and looks him in the eye.  
"No, Jake. Not okay." She leans back, still staring at him. "You’ve been lying to me. To Beth. For two goddamn years, Jake."  
"I’m sorry."  
"No." She shakes her head. "You’re not. You’re sorry you got caught. You would have kept doing this till it was time to graduate if I hadn’t showed up looking for you." She sets her jaw and looks across the room. "I bet I would have even been able to see you walk at graduation if it got that far." With that she stands and wipes her hands on her pants twice. "I need to go pick up Beth."  
"Jennifer..."  
Jennifer doesn’t look back, but she stops.  
"Jake, I trusted you." She exhales. "And I was so proud of you."  
"I wasn’t trying to hurt you," Jake says desperately. "I even put away a nice nest egg for Beth from the money I-"  
"A nest egg? Like the last one?" Jennifer's eyes are sharp and Jake avoids them. "I thought so." She shakes her head. "So you’re still doing that, too."  
"I don-"  
Jennifer cuts him off with a wave.  
"You know, after the thing with Dad, I was so worried about you. Like you weren’t yourself anymore because it was easier that way. When you got into MIT, I thought things would be better. You’d be around people who could keep up with you. And then..." Jennifer trails off and sighs. "I thought you were getting better after Beth was born." She shudders. "But life kicked us right in the teeth. So when you started going back to school, I thought, this is it. He’s gonna be okay." Jennifer runs a shaking hand through her hair, pulling lightly. "But you didn’t. And you aren’t." She turns and looks at him. "How big was this lie, Jake? Do I even know you?"  
He shrugs and looks away to ignore the wetness on her cheeks. "More so than anyone else," he chokes out, not meeting her eyes.  
"I guess that’s something. But it’s not enough, and it’s not good. Do you understand that?"  
"What do you want me to do? I’ll do whatever you want."  
"Jake." She looks away from him. "You can’t keep doing this. You lied to me. You said you’d stop. I looked the other way once, but I won’t do it again. You know this kind of behavior isn’t acceptable. Especially around Beth. Do you want her to see you get dragged away by the police?" Jennifer hisses.  
"No!"  
"But you did this anyway. And you’re smart enough to know the risks. So, you need to leave." Her hand moves to the wall, as if to draw strength from it. "And you need to stop. Stop lying. Stop messing with your computers."  
"Okay! I’ll stop lying! I’ll stop hacking, I swear on Beth!" His voice breaks and he looks away.  
"Don’t. It’s not that easy anymore, Jake. I want to be able to trust you again, but I can’t." Jennifer pulls her hand up and bites her thumb nail looking at the floor. "You need to look for another place to live."  
"You’re serious?" Jake’s voice is hollow.  
"You can still visit us. I’m not saying that, just..." She looks at him, and her voice cracks and she brushes absently at the tears on her face, "Get a job, a legal one. Or go to school, for real this time. I don’t care what you do, just get out there... become someone I can trust. Someone Beth would be proud of."

\------

Jake's been renting a room across town for three months when he’s handed a pamphlet by a uniformed man outside of the grocery store.  
The man tells him how joining up is like starting a whole new life, becoming a better person. He talks about incentives, career opportunities, health care, and saving plans, but Jake can’t stop staring at the picture of a man and woman looking proudly at their daughter in uniform. Next to them, in tall yellow letters, it reads, Stand tall. Stand proud. Stand strong. Stand as one.  
"Where do I sign?" The man looks surprised to be interrupted, but quickly recovers and gives him an address and holds out his hand for Jake to shake.  
"Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life." 

\------

Jake passes his physical and scores a 99 on his ASVAB which pleases his recruiter.  
"It’s the best score you can get, son, you should be proud," the older man tells him.  
Jake calls Jennifer that night from his room and tells her he’s enlisting. She cries and Jake feels like he might be drowning.  
"You don’t have to do this, Jake," she pleads. "You can come back home with us... Maybe I was to-"  
"He said I got the highest score you could get." Jake tells her quietly. "He said you’d be proud."  
Jennifer cries harder.  
"I am proud of you, Jake!" she practically screams. "I don’t need some fucking test to tell me I should be proud of you! Don’t do this because you think you need to impress me. I didn’t think you’d... I just wanted you to-"  
"I want to do this, Jennifer," he interrupts her with a whisper.  
Her side of the phone goes silent for a minute.  
"Okay," Jennifer chokes out. "Okay. But promise me you’re doing this because you want to."  
Jake looks at the crumpled pamphlet in his hand, studying the faces proudly looking at their daughter, then crosses his fingers. "Of course, Jennifer, I’m doing this for me." 

\------

Jake finds he doesn’t have much of anything to get rid of or store when he leaves for Basic, only half a dozen shirts, some jeans, and two computers that get boxed up and put in Jennifer’s spare room. Jennifer draws a tiny USB trident on the boxes and does her best to hide her tears.  
She drives him to the bus station and hugs him so hard he has trouble breathing. Beth cries which makes everyone want to cry.  
"You don’t have to do this, Jake," Jennifer says when he turns to leave. "You could always come back home with us." She tugs on his sleeve. "You’ll always have a home with us."  
Jake just smiles and kisses her cheek before boarding the bus.

\------

Jake is given a disturbing set of glasses he has to replace the lenses on, and loses two inches of hair and his first name in Basic. He becomes Jensen and a list of other names that have become old hat after living with his dad. Most of the other men there have issues being demeaned in this way. Jensen almost wants to laugh, because many of these men are clones of the guys in school who honed petty name-calling to a fine art.  
His drill sergeant doesn’t like anyone much, which doesn’t bother Jensen. Most people don’t like him. Most people aren’t as up front about it, but in the end he’s just another bully.  
Jensen finds it strangely comforting to wind him up.  
Unlike other bullies in Jensen’s life, the Drill sergeant can’t afford the luxury of openly trying to beat him up. Instead, he does everything in his power to make the others want to. Jensen is aware running his mouth doesn’t help, but he didn’t come here to make friends. And if things turn out like one of those movies and they do end up killing him, well, he’s sure Jennifer will get a lawyer and never have to worry about paying rent ever again.

\------

When it’s finally over, Jensen sees most of the men walk out of Basic with what looks to be shaping up to be lifelong friendships.  
Jensen walks out with no friends and a bad reputation. It doesn’t seem to matter much though, because two men are waiting for him in the parking lot. They don’t want to hit him, instead they want to talk. They talk to him about duty, honor, and serving your country. They tell Jensen how his country could use people like him, but what catches his attention and makes him listen is the pay bump.  
He’s seen Jennifer look longingly at pretty little houses in the suburbs all her life. It’s time she got one of her own.

\------

"Basic wasn’t as bad as they make it out to be in the movies," he assures Jennifer on the phone while applying tape to his ribs that night. "Besides, anything that teaches me to wake up that early has to be strict or it won’t take."  
"I still worry about you, Jake."  
"Don’t." He winces but keeps his tone light as he continues to wrap his torso. "Besides, I’m probably just gonna be behind a desk somewhere. Apparently there aren’t a lot of people here with computer skills like mine."  
"There aren’t many people with your skills, period. My little brother is kinda a genius," she teases and Jensen feels a genuine smile spread across his face.  
"I miss you guys," Jensen admits.  
"We miss you." Jensen can hear unshed tears in her voice. "Now tell me all about this job they want you to try."  
"Oh you know. I gotta pass the Q first, which will suck. But then it’s just me and a computer. Maybe a stapler if I’m lucky." Jensen avoids looking at the Q Course information packet on his night stand. "Best part is, that I can choose to work at a base near you after I finish my training here."

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for:  
Child Abuse; references and implications towards both a major and passing character. Nothing explicit.  
Minor Character Death; death of both sympathetic and non-sympathetic characters.  
Some Violence; towards children and adults.  
Bullying.


End file.
